SUICIDE SIDE NOTE
Thoughts shifting…
Drafts drifting….
Pain quenching….Emotion drenching..
Mind silencing …
This was what my addiction used to feel like…
Like I was finally doing something about it…
Like I was reaching out to that deep pit I had fallen into and finally held my own hand…Saved Myself.…
From Myself…
It felt like prickling an over blown balloon and instead of it blowing up it just peacefully released…Slowly…
Like that deep breath you take after a long day…
Like the relieving stretch you take when you wake up…
That’s what my beautiful blade was to me…A sign that I got this…
Like an armor in a sword fight that makes you feel rather safe even though you know it might not end well…
People think that my addiction meant I was addicted to constantly trying to kill myself but I actually was addicted to the constant need to “save” myself from the pain I was feeling….
And today even though I know it’s still a struggle I have…..
I wear my SCARS on my sleeves because they remind me of the struggles I face behind closed doors…
And since I am finally getting the hang of living my authentic life ….
I acknowledge myself in all forms …
I wish one day you will too
